Spring Break and Award Essay

Spring Break: Yesterday was the first day of Spring Break. Em and I stayed home and had a PJ day. I was able to get caught up on much blog reading and commenting--yay! Em played dress up, "soccer" (which involves kicking a ball around from our living room to kitchen and back,) "ballet" (dressing up and dancing to music,) and Barbies among other things. (I especially liked when she got out her High S.chool M.usical dolls and was acting out the movie with them---too funny!) We didn't bathe or get dressed until after 5 in the afternoon when DH called to ask if we wanted to go to dinner when he got home from work. After a quick dinner at Moe's we were back home to our PJs. Ahhhh, what a first day of break!

Today is shower #2. Shower #1 surprised me....rather than feeling baby longings and bump envy as I anticipated, I actually felt nostalgic and reminiscent.... The teacher/wife in Shower #1 are having a baby girl, so much of the clothing and blankets reminded me of items I used with Emma long ago. For shower #1 I was able to give $$ to a friend who purchased a gift from both of us. For today's shower I went to T.arget myself and felt like a punch in the gut as I walked through the baby aisles there. So thank you, dear friends, for the warm wishes...I hope today's shower goes as well as Tuesday's did.

Tomorrow is Easter! Wow! The year is flying by. Em seems to have a better understanding of the reason we celebrate Easter than she has in prior years. Her school set up neat stations that teachers escorted students to this week: Wine/water to discuss miracles, bowl of water w/ a towel and chair to discuss Jesus washing the disciple's feet, manger scene to celebrate Jesus' birth, footprints to discuss the disciples running away from God, a cross to discuss Jesus' death, etc. Really neat idea!

School Stuff: On my planning day this week I was able to get ALL of my lesson plans for the month of April finished. Woot woot! This includes copying/clipping worksheets and assignments I'll need. Awesome! It's hard to believe it will be the last quarter of the school year when we return.

--I'm tickled with a nice leather bag I found on sale at T.arget for just under $30....I bought it as an early birthday present for myself, as I've been wanting a new work bag. (Also, buying other non-shower items helped diffuse the shopping experience.) I love that it came with a removable zipper "sleeve" that my netbook will fit in if I need to take my computer anywhere. Double cool!

--Why is it that curse words are the first things people often learn in a new language? One of my newest students was born and raised in Puerto Rico. She's only been in the U.S. a few months, and speaks VERY minimal English. In the middle of class last week, she was trying to record on her computer, but the headphones/microphone wouldn't work. I was stunned when she said, "I hate this fucking computer" in the middle of my classroom. I had to speak with her one-on-one in the hallway. She was totally embarrassed...she knew she was saying a bad word, but to quote one of my favorite movies, she didn't realize it was "the mother of all curse words."

--My principal and I received an email message this week stating that my nomination form for the "All Star Teacher Award" is being reviewed. They asked us to submit growth reports showing the reading level gains in my classes. WOW! I'm excited to be considered....let's see what happens next...

--Lastly, I am attempting one more time to cut/paste the essay I wrote which was submitted as part of my nomination packet. (Thanks to Heather at Geek by Marriage and her DH Jase for helping me figure out how to get rid of all the "meta tags" crud!)

The Prompt: Using at least 150 words, please describe how your R180 classroom tells the story of truly turning students' lives around.

My Essay Response:
I began my post-college career as a Social Worker. Working as a case manager and advocate for Children's Services enabled me to witness many parents making positive life changes. After a few years, I felt that my once-a-month visits with the children on my caseload created limited relationship building. I wanted a profession where I could work with children on a daily basis! Thus, I completed the coursework necessary to become an educator. Seven years later, much of what keeps me in the teaching profession are not the academics, but rather the relationships I develop each year with my students. I believe that rapport and creating a safe learning environment are vital to helping students learn. A secure environment is especially essential when students have deficient reading skills. Students who are embarrassed because of their below grade level abilities MUST have a place where they can learn skills without being belittled by others. Thus, I strive to create a safe haven---making fun of others is OFF LIMITS in my classroom. Through encouragement and tangible goal setting, my students learn and grow.

Three years ago my district implemented the R180 program in all middle school reading classrooms. R180 has merged perfectly with my core beliefs. The reports and data available help me work together with students to set reachable goals. Resources that are a key part of the curriculum enable me to easily differentiate instruction to meet individual student needs, which is extremely important as my classes have a vast range of reading levels. The teacher-student conferencing which is an integral part of R180 assists in my rapport building. Learning students' interests helps me connect them with engaging books they find appealing. Most importantly, the R180 program allows me to have more time doing what is most important to me---getting to know my students...

This year I have worked with many teenagers who are coping with complicated situations in their home lives, including: two students who have an incarcerated parent; one student who along with his brother were the sole survivors of a car accident which claimed the lives of everyone else in their family; a student who witnessed the murder of his step-father; and another student whose family moved to the U.S. to escape war in her home country. I am humbled that as 8th graders, some of these children have endured horrendous heartache. I am excited when we work together to increase the student's comprehension skills, test taking strategies, and/or vocabulary proficiency.

One student I've worked with this school year is J.B., an English Language Learner whose family immigrated to the U.S. from Colombia. The first few weeks of the school year, J.B. seemed angry and upset. In conferencing with her, I learned that she was disappointed to be in R180 for a third year. I was able to show J.B. data indicating the HUGE amount of growth she has made since starting the R180 program. J.B. was particularly awed by the graphs which show an increase in her overall reading level. By getting to know J.B. and finding interesting books within her reading range, I was able to "hook" her and re-connect her with the positive aspects of R180. To date, she has taken the second highest amount of book quizzes of any 8th graders at our school this year! What a turn around!

The R180 program has assisted me in changing students' lives for the better. By enabling me to confer with students while teaching reading skills and strategies, I am able to show students that I don't just care about their academics, but about their well-being. On an almost daily basis I am able to witness the "180" my students are making within their own lives. I am thrilled with their reading gains, but my heart sings to think that I might have helped them to make a "turn around" within their personal lives as well.

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--It's a national award, so I don't know how much of a shot I have. There are 4 awards given, but only 1 for the middle school level. My main concern is that they will want something that is more reading-focused. However, this essay is ME and why I teach. I love the R180 curriculum, but I don't want my essay to be just a commercial for their product.

--The weather here is gorgeous! Finally in the low 80's. We've had our house windows open the last several days....LOVE it! Happy Spring, everyone!

Who Cares About Baby Showers, Bring on the Twilight!

Today after school is Baby Shower #1 for the week. I am as "ready" as I can be. I'm hoping for the best....and knowing that it is after school, so I can truly only stay an hour and a half before I have to leave to pick up Emma. And I'm looking forward to meeting the wife of my co-worker who has only been in the U.S. for 3 weeks after finally getting her Visa approved to move here from the Philippines.

Saturday is shower #2. It might be a little more tricky. The PG gal and her hubby are our only "couple" friends left in Jacksonville. They were WONDERFUL about inviting us over when I was newly PG with Emma and she was due to have their first child (K's bday is in May and Em's in Sept.) We talked baby products. She showed me an amazing nightgown with slits for breastfeeding, we talked "new parent" stuff. It was great. I am happy for them to have Kid #2. I am just longing for Kid #2 of my own....so it makes happiness about baby stuff difficult sometimes. We shall see how things go. I think I can put on my game face in the name of friendship and make it through.

But I just heard some REALLY SUPER FANTASTIC NEWS! DH texted me to say that on the cover of "USA Today" there is an article about a new Stephenie Meyer novella that will be released on June 5th! I am STOKED! My fellow Twilight fans can click this link to read the article yourselves.

Dreaming of Edward is helping my baby longings vanish for a little while....

Pity Party and Last Disney Update

I've been in a Funk:
The past few days have been a bit difficult. Mainly due to "bump envy." I received 2 Baby Shower invitations this week. While I am truly happy for the friend and the co-worker I was invited to celebrate with, the invites were a reminder of what I don't have. Sighs. (For the record, I DO plan to attend the showers. I want to support my friends!)

Then Em and I met our friends Stacye and Adrian for dinner. Adrian quickly announced that he's going to "be a big brother." Stacye is 8 weeks PG and due the first week of November. Again---happy for her...but sad for me. And then I feel like a schmooze for feeling lousy. Sighs again.

Thus, my pity party began. I have only 3 girlfriends in Jacksonville who don't work in the school system. All 3 of them are currently PG. (Two of them have a child the same age as Em.)
Internal whining---why can't I be PG too?

My DH Rocks!:
DH was off work yesterday, as he is working today. So Thursday night I called in for a "mental health" day off. Friday after dropping Em off at school, DH and I went out for breakfast. I vented and explained my feelings. Have I mentioned lately that I am grateful to have a best friend like DH? He helped me to feel better. (And I appreciated his validating that I'm not a bitch or a raving lunatic...thanks, DH!)

Yesterday it was sunny and 80 degrees out! We finally had beautiful weather. So after breakfast and some Easter Bunny shopping, we headed home. We hung out for the day with open windows----fresh air blowing through the house. LOVED it. And I got hooked on a new show, "The Tudors" on Showtime....about Henry VIII. Cool show and correlates somewhat with the "Queen Anne is Doomed" book I recently read.

Anyway between DH and the lovely weather, I was able to pull myself out of my funk. (Thank goodness!)

Disney Trip--Day 3: Epcot:
I leave you with the last of our Disney pics (only a month late.) We spent the last day of our trip at Epcot. 5 out of 5 stars. We loved it---I love the "World Showcase" with buildings, shops, and restaurants themed from various countries. They've added a "Kidcot"area at each of the country locations----kids can obtain a diecut paper cutout which is different at each location. (A rocking horse from colonial America, a mask from Italy, a kite from Japan, etc.) Em loved collecting the items, and it made the Showcase area more fun for her. She also loved the aquarium, Nemo ride, and the ride inside of the ball (I can't remember its name). DH liked the roller coaster (can't remember its name either.)

Oops...I'm realizing some of these pics are actually from Hollywood Studios, not just Epcot. Anyway, here goes:

The giant Epcot Ball


Em and I with our rockstar wigs (in the shop outside the Rockin' Roller Coaster) (Hollywood Studios)



The Tower of Terror Ride (Em and DH went---I HATE this ride, as I'm afraid of heights and also feel claustrophobic.) (Hollywood Studios)


Another feature at Hollywood Studios Em loved was the Disney Playhouse show---included puppets with favorite characters from current Disney shows (Handy Manny, Mickey's Clubhouse, My Friends Tigger and Pooh.)


A long time fan of the "Singin' in the Rain" movie, I had to pose with this umbrella on a Hollywood Studios back lot.


Em also loved the Little Mermaid show at Hollywood Studios (sorry for blurry pic.)


A worker helped Em with a Chinese yo-yo in the Epcot World Showcase


Em with her mask and paper diecuts from the World Showcase (I love the eye lashes she drew on her mask.)


Em and I with viking helmets (gift shop in Norway area of World Showcase.)


Family pic outside of the Nemo ride with Epcot ball in the background


Em and DH on the Nemo ride



Happy weekend, all! I'm slowly catching up on blog reading and commenting and WILL be caught up by the end of the week----spring break time! Whew!

Secondary Infertility

I googled "Secondary Infertility" today and came across this amazing article (CLICK HERE) about a woman experiencing secondary infertility (SI.) The article wonderfully explains what I've been feeling the past year and a half...

The author, Victoria Lambert, drew me in with this PERFECT description:
"I fully appreciate that I am infinitely luckier than all those who are unable to conceive at all – either through infertility, timing or sheer bad luck – but that doesn’t make the pain any easier to bear.

What I could not have known before my daughter was born was that infertility is infertility, plain and simple, whenever it occurs. I had no idea that trying for a second child would be like starting with a blank page; that my accumulated wisdom and experience of motherhood would count for nothing in terms of conception."

--Lambert goes on to describe the guilt she feels about one child not being "enough," the frustration with her body...why can't it create another child?, the guilt the current child gives because they want a sibling, the pain of seeing all of the baby items she keeps stored in hopes that she can use them for another child. YES! SOMEONE OUT THERE UNDERSTANDS! This is completely and totally what I am going through.

--Lambert brought me to tears with the closing of her article: "These days, it has to be said, I long for my need for a second child to go away almost as much as I do for a positive pregnancy test."


I myself am not at that point yet. I've always envisioned my life as being part of a family of 4. Right now, I'm not willing to give up my dream. But I am wondering how will I know when enough is enough? When should I give up my dream of another child? Sighs.

And does the hurt ever go away? In January the week the OB confirmed I was pregnant, the mother of one of Emma's schoolmates also learned she was pregnant. I remember talking and planning things with DH and we thought it was interesting timing that Baby #2 would be born around the time of Em's September birthday. My miscarriage occurred a week later. This week I heard from the schoolmate's mother for the first time in quite a while. She was overjoyed at her Sept 13th duedate. 4 days before Em's bday. Ouch!

I've dealt with many pregnancies-of-friends-and-acquaintances over the past few months. One of my college buddies is due anytime...I am thrilled for her. There is a teacher-intern at my school who is due in June...I am genuinely excited for her. Yet for some reason, Emma's schoolmate's mother is just so painful for me to deal with. Perhaps because the timing of her pregnancy? I don't know. But I feel like such a bitch when I plaster on my fake smile and try to speed up any encounters we have. I certainly don't have any ill-will towards her personally. I am just experiencing bump envy again. ARGH!

I feel a little better now that I've ranted. Thank you, dear Readers for letting me vent. And to those experiencing SI, I encourage you to read the article...it really moved me.

Bump Envy

Bump Envy: I saw these words on someone else's blog (SORRY! I don't remember who, so can't credit them.) How true these words are! Our Disney trip was 98% wonderful. The other 2% was difficult as I struggled with seeing happy glowing-faced pregnant women. Though not a bump, I also had BIG tugs at my heartstrings when DH was making goo-goo eyes at a baby who was in front of us in line. The baby was SO tiny! (Smaller than I would've brought to Disney... but I won't judge.) And DH was very sweet. :)

This morning as we got ready for school, Emma said, "Mommy, I want a little brother or sister. I don't even care which one. I've never seen you with a big tummy. That would be fun. Why can't we have a brother or sister?" I responded that I would like to have a brother or sister too. I said we'll have to keep praying and maybe God will help put a baby in Mommy's tummy someday. Emma responded, "I hope it's soon!" Sighs...me too, my sweet little girl.

Out of curiosity, I just researched "envy" at Merriam-Webster.com. The dictionary site defines envy as, "painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage." Yes, that sums it up perfectly. I have bump-envy.