Sunday, December 5, 2010

A Bit of Progress

This weekend I made HUGE emotional progress. While I still want a 2nd child, I've been working myself up for a few months to try to accept that I may be "meant to be" the mother of a singleton. I am NOT by any means giving up on my dream of a 2nd child yet, but...

Rather than decking the house with Christmas decor as I intended when I awoke on Saturday morning, I instead cleaned the garage. Mind you, the majority of this "cleaning" consisted of loading hubby's mini van and my car until they were filled to the max with Emma's old baby clothing and items. I had large R.ubbermaid bins filled with infant clothes, 1 year clothes, 2 year clothes, etc. from each year of Emma's life. I included the baby Exersaucer, the crib mobile, the baby kick-and-play-station items, bedding, infant/toddler toys a whole R.ubbermaid of books, etc. With the exception of the wall hangings and crib set (which match the wallpaper border still in Em's old room) I got rid of everything except for:
--2 boxes of my ultimate "favorite" clothing I plan to gift to two of my girlfriends who recently had baby girls
--1 Baby swing I already offered to a PG friend.
--Em's old high chair (it perfectly matches our kitchen table, so we'll store it in the garage for a bit longer.)

I shed a few tears looking at some of the clothing before packing up our cars... But then I realized that the tears weren't really for the baby-who-isn't. They were tears of nostalgia as I remembered people giving me the outfits for Em, or times/places Baby-Emma wore particular clothing.

We tried to sell the items to a local consignment shop, but they were super busy and had specific requirements as to how they wanted clothing "delivered" before they would review it and provide an estimate. I decided it wasn't worth the hassle, so we took the rest of the things to the S.alvation.Army and donated them. The men working there were very gracious saying they would likely use some of the things "to give some families a really nice Christmas."

Obviously, as Emma is SIX, I had been hanging on to many of these items for a long while. I originally kept the items with hopes of saving $$ for Child #2...but as time went on, we were running out of storage space. (We don't have a basement or attic and our garage was getting to be out of control with floor-to-ceiling storage containers in many places.)

The best part... I know it has only been 24 hours, but I DON'T HURT. Even as recently as summer (4 months ago) it still tore at my heart to think of getting rid of the old baby items. It made me feel like I was giving up on my dream. Now I feel like I am moving on emotionally...

As I said, I still want Child #2, I just realize logically (for once) that keeping hand-me-downs for 6 years isn't going to work! Yay me! :)

7 comments:

Kristin said...

I am so happy for you. That is a hard point to reach and it can be even harder when you are still hoping for a second child. Good for you!

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Good on you my friend. I know that must have been hard but it is great that you are making progress. You are right about the nostalgia. I sometimes think if I had the ability to time travel I'd just spend all my time seeing DD as a baby again. Anyway, hope you are happy with where your journey takes you no matter what.

Danifred said...

Good for you, and hugs to you. I am slowly making my way to that place as well and I know that it will be hard, but necessary.

Cherish This Life! said...

It's so hard to let go of things that "might" be helpful and things that represent our child. But in the end they are just things. Isn't it amazing how letting go of a few things can really free you, I went thru the same thing last year. Uncluttering baby things that were just in case was incredibly freeing for me. Still praying for you and baby #2 though, don't give up hope!!!

Carrie27 said...

No matter how you come to terms with not adding children either by choice or not, sending those items away definitely pulls at the heart. Hugs.

PFM said...

Good for you. As you probably have read I too am struggling with wanting to give my son a sibling. I am holding on to most of his possessions. But I see what you mean about being sad about the nostalgia of your baby growing up and not getting rid of the possessions. You just helped many families in need.

Erica said...

Awww...I did the same thing about a year ago. HUGS