Friday, July 25, 2008

Why I'm blue...

I have the blues. Sighs. Here's what's going on in my world...

--We just got back from 3 weeks in Ohio. My daughter, DH, and I were spoiled by an abundance of time with my parents and younger sister. Now we are back in Florida and I miss them all.

--It is BLAZING hot here. (Sign at Walgreen's today said 99 degrees...there's nothing like sweating just by walking to the mailbox. And NO, I don't have a long driveway.)

--I have baby longings. I've been off the pill for a year and 7 months. No baby. Am I too old? Too fat? Too out of shape? Is child #2 just not meant to be? My cycle was late when we left for Ohio. I was so excited to think that we might be pregnant and actually able to tell my parents about the pregnancy in person this time, instead of via the phone like when I was pregnant with my daughter. Confession: I even bought a hpt....and literally started my period the day after the blasted test was negative. I haven't been to the OB for a yearly check for almost 2 years, because I am afraid what she will tell me. Am I pathetic, or what??

--My younger sister and I are 4 years and 8 months apart...I don't want Emma and any future siblings to be much farther apart than that. Emma turns 4 in September. Sighs. This means I need to get pregnant soon.

--School starts in 3 weeks. While I am extremely excited to be teaching at a new school this year, I don't want the summer to end! I am enjoying Mommy-and-Emma time!

--I went yesterday to see my new classroom for the first time. The prior teacher did not take down anything! I stopped counting at 35 posters that are stapled into the wall. In addition, the desk drawers and cabinets are still full of stuff (including 30+ bottles of silly-string spray...sadly I'm NOT kidding.) I resent that I have to spend time clearing out her crap before I can begin to get my own stuff ready.

--Our yard looks like a mini jungle. We just got back from is overgrown and our yard guy hasn't returned my phonecalls. Our lawn mower broke a few months ago, so even if I wanted to mow it myself, I can't.

--I was raised in Ohio. I lived there until just after I graduated from college, when I moved to Florida to live with DH (whom I met in college.) I am still in touch with one close friend I've known since 3rd grade. In addition, I still have some girlfriends from college who I am in contact with.
Since moving to Florida, I have struggled to make girlfriends. It is hard to find people with similar values and/or interests. Those who I have found: Alex---moved to North Carolina last September, MaryAnn---moved to Indiana last November, and now Teri---moved to Michigan last month. What the heck?? For some reason this is a very transient city. I am praying to make some new friends at my school this year.

--I don't know where I want to be. This time last year I was gung-ho on moving back to Ohio. Then in December, DH's grandmother passed away and we went to Ohio for her funeral services. It wasn't even a rough part of winter while we were there. But boy oh boy did I realize how much I hate the snow, dreary weather, and bitter cold. I hate being far from my family, but the 1 - 2 months of extreme heat here are much less than the 4 (sometimes 4+) months of winter they have there. Ugh.

Okay...enough wallowing...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hear ya. Hope you're feeling better. It must be so hard to be away from the family. It does seem more difficult to make good friends later in life. Also know it must tug at your heart to know work is coming and summer will be ending. Hang in there and enjoy each day with Em and keep on trying for another.
--Hugs from Wisconsin--