ICLW--Welcome!

Welcome, ICLWers! This is my 3rd time participating in International Comment Leaving Week. As always, I am looking forward to meeting new online friends, and checking out new blogs. :)

Since most ICLWers are here because of Mel's blog, I thought I'd do a quick run-down of my IF history...

--Met DH in 1994. We lived in the same co-ed dorm at Ohio University. We started dating in 1995 and got married in 1998, shortly after moving from Ohio to Florida.

--We intentionally waited 4 years before TTC. We wanted to pay off some loans, get settled with our bills, become a 2-car instead of 1-car household, etc. Not to mention, it was great to have lots of "US" time. :)

--Once we began "trying," my OBgyn said not to "worry," until after 2 years, as I had been on various forms of birth control pills over the years.

--Right at the 2 year mark, I became pregnant with our daughter, Emma. She was born healthy and sweet at 37 weeks in Sept 2004. I cherish her everyday!

--For 3+ years now, we've been TTC another child. Emma has mentioned interest in having a sibling many times. She will be 5 in September. As she gets older, I freak out---I don't want her to be an "only" child. I have real issues with this. Sibling relationships are SO important to me. But at the same time, I don't want a huge age gap between her and a sibling...so it's a bit of an internal struggle for me sometimes.

--Of course, as Emma gets older, I get older too. I turned 34 this past April. I try not to freak out too much, when each month passes and I'm not PG yet. This is somewhat of an internal struggle at times too. When will I know I should give up on my dream of having another child?

--This past January ('09) we were thrilled to learn I was pregnant. DH and I were very excited! We planned to share the news with our families after my OB appointment (scheduled for 2 weeks after my HPT) confirmed the pregnancy. Sadly, I had a miscarriage a few days before the appointment. (If you're interested in details, you can read this post or click on any items labeled "peanut" or "miscarriage" in my blog topic list.)

--After my miscarriage, my OB told me to come back this summer if I wasn't PG yet, and we would figure out our next steps from there.

--On a side note, I suspect that I also had a miscarriage in the fall of '08. However, as I never took a hpt nor went to the OB, this is unconfirmed. But based on the way my body felt, and the miscarriage I endured in January, I'm pretty sure I had one in the fall as well.

--So, I am praying for peace of mind. If I am not meant to have another child, let me figure it out and find peace. If I am meant to have another child, let me stay calm, try to remain be patient and wait for the good things to come.

--Now it's a waiting game... and a hoping game... and a keep-going-without-getting-too-down-on-myself game... Welcome to my blog, where I vent to keep myself sane! :)