Monday, April 6, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday. 34. I greet it with mixed emotions...on the one hand things with my job and family are going wonderfully and I'm grateful. On the other hand, the closer I get to 35, I begin to freak out about not having child #2 yet. Am I meant to only have 1 child? Should I give up on my dream of having a sibling for Emma? We'll find out the next step in our trying-to-get pregnant journey sometime this summer. (After my miscarriage in January, the doctor said to come back in 6 months if I wasn't pregnant again, and we could pursue testing for fertility issues from there.) (But, you can "hear" the lack of optimism in my tone, as I was off the pill for 3 YEARS before getting PG in January, so I'm not expecting any "quick" pregnancies with news in June/July.)

Sighs, my birthday wish this year is for peace of mind. Let me have a restful heart. If I'm only meant to have my sweet Emma, let me cherish every moment and move on. I can't imagine life without siblings. Especially my younger sister, whom is someone I'd fight tigers for. It is important to me that Emma experience this...if I am meant to give up this dream, I hope I "know" sooner than later.

5 comments:

Becoming a Family of Four said...

happy birthday :) I wish you continued work towards peace of mind!

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I am sorry that it is so bittersweet, and hope that you have some answers soon. (And for what it is worth, I don't think you should have to wait until July - the closer you get to AMA, the more complicated things could get . . . seems like the doctors wouldn't want to add that to any equation!)

Marie W said...

Happy Birthday Alana! Do not give up on having another child. Praying for you and hope you had a great day.

Beautiful Mess said...

Happy birthday! I wish you peace and a happy heart.
*HUGS*

Carrie27 said...

I know your frustration. I had a miscarriage first, and then went through almost a year of a crappy doctor before she realized I needed to see an RE.

Hopefully this summer approaches quickly so you can get some more definite answers.

Of course, Happy Birthday! Eat some cake and icecream!