Today is my birthday. 34. I greet it with mixed emotions...on the one hand things with my job and family are going wonderfully and I'm grateful. On the other hand, the closer I get to 35, I begin to freak out about not having child #2 yet. Am I meant to only have 1 child? Should I give up on my dream of having a sibling for Emma? We'll find out the next step in our trying-to-get pregnant journey sometime this summer. (After my miscarriage in January, the doctor said to come back in 6 months if I wasn't pregnant again, and we could pursue testing for fertility issues from there.) (But, you can "hear" the lack of optimism in my tone, as I was off the pill for 3 YEARS before getting PG in January, so I'm not expecting any "quick" pregnancies with news in June/July.)
Sighs, my birthday wish this year is for peace of mind. Let me have a restful heart. If I'm only meant to have my sweet Emma, let me cherish every moment and move on. I can't imagine life without siblings. Especially my younger sister, whom is someone I'd fight tigers for. It is important to me that Emma experience this...if I am meant to give up this dream, I hope I "know" sooner than later.
1 day ago